Good Morning OilPro, It's Monday [Satire] #lostprevention #westtexas

By 14th December 2015 Industry News No Comments

Here’s the news of West Texas and Southeastern New Mexico Oil & Gas…

1.Oil is more worthless than the tanks used to hold it, so now our thieves have stopped stealing oil and have started picking up old beer cans off the sides of roads and on locations. One was quoted as saying “You know I can get ½ cent for this can, that oil I have to pay someone else if I steal it.”

2.Companies budgets are being cut back so much now that they are asking if you arrive on location to donate a can of food for their CEOs- also bring back the pipe wrenches and H2S monitors you’ve accumulated over the years.

3.West Texas dive bars and beer joints have seen an increase in activity in and around their bars, but most activity is by pick-pockets and men asking other jobless men if they know of anyone hiring. They have also seen an increase in people asking for buy one get one free deals on beer.

4.Midland and Odessa has had more than its fair share of house fires this year, but not due to heaters or fireplaces. Most likely because no one can afford fire wood or electricity. The homes are being burnt down before the banks can foreclose. Homes have been found burned to the ground with ATV’s, boats,jet skis, and Harley Davidson motorcycles inside. All while the property owner try to stall the fire department with questions like “Are y’all hiring?”

5.Santa Claus was asked to skip the Permian Basin. Hard one to explain to the kids that Santa is just as broke as everyone else.

6.Due to the drastic drop in drilling activity people are seeing these strange twinkling lights in the night sky. After the 377th call to EMS about the “UFO People” it was explained on the news that these are in fact stars that can be seen now that the night sky isn’t flooded with light plants and drilling rig glare….. We hate seeing the stars here, being that this is the LONE STAR STATE.

7.Craigslist Odessa/Midland has crashed. Website developers claimed this is due to the increased traffic of people selling the charred remains of ATVs, boats, jet skis, and Harley Davidson motorcycles.

8.A man was made a millionaire over night after he created a new Anti-OPEC bumper sticker. Due to the circumstances of the possible 3 readers this story might get, we have censored the bumper sticker but it reads “#@%* OPEC.”

9.Wal-Mart has began using an armed security guard to fend of people trying to “Sample” produce and other foods. A Wal-Mart employee who asked to remain anonymous said “We didn’t mind them living in the parking lots, but when they started trying to steal potatoes, we drew the line.” To date only 3 people have been shot, and one woman was maced.

10.Trafic has slowed on loop 250 around Midland. Not only are their less pickups and cars on the road, but the ones still driving are having to dodge stranded vehicles that are out of gas in the lanes.

This Is West Texas